Token Black Girl

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Feedback (2007)

Okay friends, I have recently been chewing over the idea that I run people away, especially men. I have been told that I am too aggressive, too straight forward, and in a nutshell that is unattractive. Also that if I ever want to make a relationship work I should compromise and dummy down those behaviors to make a man more comfortable with me. I have heard this from more than one source so any rational educated person kbows at this point its wrth some actual evaluation.

Here is my thing, I will never compromise who I am for anyone. While it can be argued that those behaviors are not who I am, I would simply like to state that they are. They are my most defining characteristics, and qualities in myself that I am proud of. To those who disagree and who feel that a womans nature is never so shrewd as mines, I would like to say speak for yourself. If you'd have grown up the way I grew up, experienced what I've experienced, and put up with anything near what I have had to put up with in life, I feel that your opinion would be different. I love who I am, and believe me, it took many years of self loathing and horrible self-esteem to get me to this point, but I do love me. Am I willing to pretend to be someone I am not to make guys like me more? I'm sorry I am just not gonna do that. I feel like I'd be doing myself a gross injustice to fight this hard and get this far to finally define myself, just to become one of the COGIC stepford wives.



I think that my strength makes me unique and beautiful. Like my resilience makes me worthwhile, and that my experiences make me interesting. And please don't get me wrong, I am not talking about the whole "submit" thing in the Bible, I am simply referring to changing any aspect of my personality for the favor of some man. Maybe losing a bad habit, or rethinking an idea I could handle, but being someone different? That is ridiculous. If I have to make a man like me, than he really doesn't and at some point we will both realize that. This is who I am, and eventually, even if I could pretend long enough to get you, I couldn't do it long enough to keep you. I cannot help but to be who I am. I am a woman of God, who follows the precepts of the scripture. I am as delicate as a rose and as tough as nails at the same time. I am as graceful as a swan yet a shark when comes to business. I willingly submit to authority, but I also demand respect. I pick my battles carefully, but I will always fight for the little guy and stand up for myself.And should someone choose to engage in verbal combat with me, they should take into consideration the the tongue is a double edged sword, and mines is very sharp, which is why it is very rarely unsheathed.

If these things mean I will remain single and have very few friends than so be it. These qualities are what have brought me so far in life, and will continue to carry me on to my goals, so if they are not good enough for a man, than he is not good enough for me.




Am I wrong frinds? What do you think? Give me a lil feedback




Tim: Of course not, you're special just who you are. The fact that you may (i reiterate, may) run men away is because they may not be able to handle you, or may not see how wonderful and rare a woman of your traits truly is. I think you should stay exactly who you are and one day you will get a man who will truly appreciate who you are, your past, present and future and I gurantee that man will love you more than any other man would if you "compromised" you will just be selling yourself out and I know you, that's not your style and you wont' be happy. Continue to be who you are and someone will appreciate you ok?


 
Me: Thanks for the thought Tim, I too think I am pretty special, and have never for a moment questioned that (probably because I am so very vain). I have or had absolutely no intentions of changing any aspect of who I am. Like I said I like me. Thanks for the vote of confidence


Buz: This is an interesting subject... one that most men hate talking about with women. There's not much that can be said that hasn't already been stated--plus you've summed it up within the 1st few sentences of your blog. I'm not too sure if it's an issue of rather or not you should "dummy down" or water down your character to please a man. But rather, what type of men are attracted (beyond the physical prowess) of a women many say is "too aggressive, too straight forward" and so forth.


I don't even think it matters IF a man can "handle" those character traits. Instead, I'm learning that many men would rather not "deal" with over-aggression... we have to deal with that enuff among other men. But on the same token, I'm not sure of many men that want to be with a door mat either. You are who you are...and that's beautiful.. that's why I appreciate you. It will interesting to see what character of a man you'd "choose" to submit yourself to relationally.

Be blessed! BUZ

Me: There it is exactly; I am not interested in anyone who would simple "handle" or deal with who I am. I am interested in someone who will cherish me for who I am. Beisdes, anyone who took the time and effort involved in getting to know me would know that my agreesiveness is extremely limited. In fact, I'd say that is remains somewhere mainly within business or financial ventures.




I like that you said "choose", because that is exactly how I view submission, as a choice. I will willingly choose to submit to someone who can prove themselves worthy of such submission. I know it may come across as arrogant, and possibly a little presumptuous, but I am no average girl. I'm not even your average church girl, so don't think I mean the whole "virtuous woman" thing when I say that. I have so much to offer to a relationship, and I would rather not throw away what I have. I offer integrity, honor, intensity, maturity, humor, spirituality, intellectuality, sensuality and so much more. I have traveled the world and literally eaten with princes, but I still prefer Roscoe's. I can quote Shakespeare, the BIBLE, and the Fugees. I have written award winnig papers on theology and literature, yet I'd still prefer to watch "Love Jones". In my opinion I'm a little bit like awesome. Maybe thats my problem... I think too highly of myself, lol. Aight then B, thanks for swinging through!



V

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